Zombie Invasion Raiding List

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It’s happened! The zombie invasion has begun. So what do you do first? Go super-zombie killer on their living dead assesses and kill them again? Run away screaming and hide somewhere? No, of course not. At least not if you plan on surviving, which for the sake of this argument, you do. Because if you don’t want to survive and instead want to be eaten by zombies, just walk outside and stand there, easy-peasy.

Now that it’s been decided that you want to survive and not get eaten by zombies, what is the first thing you should do? Glad you asked. The first thing to do is find and stock up on supplies, this way you will be able to eat, drink, and do whatever while later on fighting off zombies and whatever else you decide to do.  When stocking up on supplies, you have to be smart about what you stock pile and what you don’t. Useless things that will waste your energy or other supplies or that will spoil within a few days should be used up as fast as possible.

When the invasion starts, first make sure to use up all the food you have that will spoil. Canned or dried foods that either have a long shelf life or almost never go bad should be left alone for now. It would not be advisable to use up all of your food and then go and try to find more. I mean, if you want to, go for it. But it would suck if you ate all your food and then you couldn’t find anymore. Then you’d be hungry. Being hungry just sucks.

Alright, so you now know not to use up food that will last a long time and to eat things that will go bad first. Now you are thinking to yourself, okay so how do I get more food? And whatever else you will eventually need? I have one word for you, Wal-Mart. That’s right, Wal-Mart! The best friend you didn’t know you had when preparing for the invasion! If you don’t have a Wal-Mart near you, you can go to whatever store you have nearby, that just is my go to. But for the sake of this article, pretend that’s the name of your store as well.

Walmart Zombies

Photo by vampguy.deviantart.com

So first things first, depending on when you are doing this supply shopping. If the Wal-Mart is still open and you are just working on your stock pile before everything goes crazy, then focus on buying canned goods, bottles of water, cereals and grains that are on sale, things that are on sale are always good. Sales make things cheaper and I hate having to pay lots of money for stuff.

If the time has come though that Wal-Mart, and other stores, have now closed because of the zombies, it is time to raid Wal-Mart. Stealing is of course a very bad thing and is in no way being promoted here, but raiding is different in times of zombie invasion. Now that we are going to raid the store, you can’t just go in all willy-nilly and just grab whatever you see. Then you might end up with a bunch of useless crap and that won’t help you survive. So don’t do that. First, make your shopping list, or in this case, your raiding list.

Raiding List

1. bottled water

2. canned goods/dry food goods

3. blankets/clothing

4. matches/lighters

5. candles

6. lighter fluid

7. sleeping bags

8. weaponry

9. medicines/first aid items

10. toiletries

11. batteries

Obviously your list doesn’t have to contain these exact items, you can add or subtract at your own discretion. This is just a general list of things that would be good to have in supply and are things you should be looking for while raiding Wal-Mart, or really any other store but Wal-Mart will for sure have these items.

Once you have your list, you are ready to go raiding. Get a cart, or two, these will obviously make collecting your items a lot easier and if needed, take them with you, you never know when you could use them again. If going in with one or more other people, make sure you all have a copy of the list so you know what you are looking for and then assign specific items for people to focus on. This will make things easier in the long run.

If you are going in alone, start with the side of the store where you will find can goods and dry foods. Then work your way over. Bottled water. Clothing. Medicine. Matches and batteries. Candles. Check the camping section for sleeping bags or other useful things you might need, such as a tent. Fishing poles could be useful, and if there are any crossbows in the hunting section, or other weapon, grab them and ammo. Make sure you can use these things before going out zombie hunting of course. Then grab toiletries, such as soaps, shampoos, things of that nature. It might seem silly but being clean is important. If you decide to skip showering and basic hygiene, you will smell like a stinky homeless guy on the bus or maybe be mistaken for a zombie yourself. Although I personally do not smell, thanks very much.

Make sure to avoid items like sodas and things that are not really going to do you any good. Video games and DVDs and other things might be tempting but leave those as well, you won’t be needing them and aren’t important to have in terms of survival. Also, avoid frozen foods unless you have a deep freeze that will last a long time, meats and fresh fruits and vegetables should also be avoided. Along with breads because these things will go bad in a short amount of time. You want to make sure you get things that will last you a long time and you want to get them the first time you go raiding. Just incase someone beats you back and takes things you might have needed if you ignored them the first time.

Raiding can be done multiple times, obviously. There is no exact way to do it, but by having an idea of what you are looking for, it can be a lot easier. So remember to grab what is useful and will last. Ignore things that are just luxuries! Also, do not share your raiding areas or tips with other people unless you live with them. Helping a stranger raid a store won’t help you. If they get turned into a zombie later on down the road, they won’t decide to not eat you because you helped them out. But when the invasion comes, just remember, Wal-Mart, for all your zombie invasion needs.

I think that’s all for now. I’ll write more of my zombie knowledge later. In the mean time, try not to get bit.

Z

Once Upon A Time…

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Once upon a time, I was alive. And then I died. Great story, I know. But that isn’t all of it. I died, but I didn’t stay dead. At least, not exactly. I’m not like an undead creature, like a vampire who technically died but is still wandering around, giving people some massive hickeys and getting the world’s worst sunburns whenever they step out during the day. No, I’m a different kind of dead and came back to life sort of person. I didn’t come back as something else, I just came back. No blood drinking or bursting into flames, shove a wooden steak through my heart and guess what, I’m still kicking. It’s great, let me tell you. I just don’t die. I got buried twice before they decided to stop wasting the money on funerals. Because even when I was buried, I just had to get dug back up. Fun stuff, right? Not really. But that’s a different story for a different time.

Incase you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m a zombie. You know, the stiff arms and legs, moaning about brains or some nonsense like that. Rotting flesh and a desperate need of some concealer and a spray tan. The not as sexy as Edward Cullen kind of undead creature in other words. Although I wish I sparkled in the sunlight, that would be pretty epic. But I don’t burst into flame either so I guess that’s something to be happy for.

I do get kind of sweaty though, but that’s not something we need to talk about right now. I’m pretty sure that’s just a normal human reaction to heat. Even without a beating heart and full use of my motor skills that I used to have, I’m still human. Kind of.

I’m sure you’re thinking, I know all about zombies, I love “Walking Dead” and it’s such an awesome show. Blah blah blah. Did you know that zombie movies are some of the oldest movies around? Yeah. The first technical zombie movie was released in 1931, directed by Victor Halperin. That movie was “White Zombie.” Some people claim there are older ones though. The original “Frankenstein” movie came out in 1910 and it is about a reanimated corpse. If you couldn’t call Frankenstein’s monster a zombie, I don’t know what you think the definition of a zombie is. By the way, it’s a good movie, even if it is in black and white. But it’s old so I guess I can forgive it for not being with the times. Also, for those of you who don’t know, it’s based off of the book by Mary Shelley, a pretty awesome lady.

White Zombie Movie Poster

Photo from en.wikipedia.org

So as you can see, we zombies aren’t new. We might not be as relevant as Lady Gaga or Jersey Shore, but we’ve been around longer and we’ll probably be around after all those things get boring. Which was pretty much yesterday. Just saying. Dead or not, I do keep up with my pop culture. Some of the obsessions are just a little weird, that’s all. Even Jesus, when you think about it, not to be all religious or anything, is like a zombie in a way. He died, and then he rose from the grave and lived again. Ringing any bells? It’s just a theory mind you, and I’m not bringing it up with my preacher any time soon, but I’m just putting it out there.

Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. You can just call me Z. And I’ll call you, you. Now that we’ve all been introduced, I feel pretty good about this. Feels more, I don’t know, kind of cozy and informal, like we’re buddies or something. I bet you started reading this thinking I was just going to talk about brains and eating brains and biting people for their brains and chasing them down, but I didn’t, at least not too much, but now that you mention it I am a little hungry… Don’t worry though, I’m going to share some survival tips with you. I’m a reformed zombie, like a vegetarian or something. I don’t eat people. It’s been a whole 5 hours since I slipped off the wagon and my sponsor was really proud of me at our meeting about 6 hours ago. By the way, I’m looking for a new sponsor. Just a side note. And we’ll discuss all things zombie. Because we zombies are pretty cool.

Well, that’s all for now folks. Take care and try not to get bit. Unless you want to be a zombie of course.

Z