The trials and tribulations of being dead are kind of a high number if you tried to list them all. Because if you are like me, you try and list them but then forget something until you are attempting to do it and then are like, “Oh, I’m dead. This is way harder now. Or impossible.” It depends. And I’m guessing it might be different per zombie as well. I don’t know.
Just an update, I’m now six days clean. No slipping off the bandwagon for me. At least not yet. And I’m not all brains brains brains yet either. Also, I don’t drool. Becaue I bet you had that image in your head of a zombie drooling all open mouthed and talking about brains. That’s gross. Keep your spit inside your mouth please. Ugh…
Anyways, you know what I realized today? Dating while dead is really freaking difficult! It’s like, dating while alive is hard enough, right? But no. Try being a zombie and getting a date. This is worse than that stupid MTV show “Next” where you had to date like five people or something and they got money. I mean, getting money was probably a cool part but yeah… Not the rest of it. Now they have “Friendzone” or something like that. Who comes up with this stupid stuff anyways? Although I do enjoy “Catfish“, sneaky people on there.
But yeah, dating. It’s hard. Like, I go up to a cute guy and if he doesn’t instantly run away screaming because of the obvious, I’m dead in case you forgot and for some reason people have this ridiculous stereotype that zombies just automatically want to eat you. I mean, I might want to but it doesn’t mean I’m going to. I’m strictly non-human these days.
So if they don’t go running off like a prissy little scared girl who’s wet themselves, they are often just kind of rude. Yeah… Or they think it’s cool to make fun of the zombie girl. It’s not. Trust me. I could eat you after all, it’s supposedly in my nature.
My therapist says one day I’ll meet someone. Possibly. Well, he said it could happen. Just so everyone knows, Dr. Smiley is a single man in his fifties and from what I know, he lives with his mother still. And his mother dates, but he doesn’t.
When I figure out how to date as a zombie, I’ll be back to let you know. For sure. Until then, I think I might develop a new show for MTV, something like “Zombiezoned” or “Date My Zombie”, something like that.
Until then, don’t get bit.