Z’s Online Dating Profile Attempt

So once again my therapist and I, Dr. Smiley, were talking about my social interactions or to be more precise, lack there of. He thinks I need to socialize more. I don’t see why. I’m perfectly content to talk to my cat and watch chick flicks and slasher films all day, maybe mix in some Plant vs Zombies and a little light reading or something as well.zombie making heart with hands

Dr. S says it will help my progress if I get out more. Kind of like in “Warm Bodies,” right? With R who comes back to life because of love. Or in this book I read, Generation Dead by Daniel Waters. This chick has a crush on a zombie and because she likes him it helps him be more life like. Maybe not the greatest synopsis but this isn’t a book review, we’re talking about my problems right now.

And my problem is that my shrink is obnoxious. And he wants me to go hang out at the mall or something and try and make friends. Brilliant. But that did give me an idea. Well, actually it was my great-aunt Ophelia’s idea. She’s like 80 going on 23 or something. She’s a bit odd. Besides the point though, she said I should check out an online dating site. Just a reminder, there are no zombie dating sites that I have been able to find. Let me know if you know of one though, I’d totally check it out. Just for kicks if nothing else.

Anyways, I decided to write up my online dating profile. It would go a little something like this I think:

zombie girl in a white shirt

My profile picture

Name: Z

Age: Undead

Height: 5’5

Body type: Corpse like

Occupation: Apocalypse bringer

Hair: Falling out

Eyes: The remaining one is sort of gray

Interests: Brains, eating people, cats, digging out of graves, ice cream

Have kids: No

Want kids: Don’t taste good

I’d also have some epic shots of some model that I can pretend to pass off as myself so I look nothing like myself. That’s what people do on those sites, right? I’m kind of camera shy anyways, and my mom hasn’t wanted to do a family picture in awhile, no idea why.

Maybe I’ll go google zombie dating services, see what I can come up with. Like I said, if you know of any, let me know. Dr. Smiley would be pleased that I’m “trying” to expand my social circle. Not that there is anything wrong with hanging out with my cat and my great-aunt all the time. Whatever.

Don’t get bit.

Z

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