I had another appointment today with Dr. Smiley. Weird man, truly. Although his patchy facial hair and lazy eye are starting to slowly, and by that I mean like monumentally slowly, grow on me. Like at the pace of a paralyzed snail trying to get up the Great Wall of China. I’m guessing that would be a really slow journey, I guess I could always test it and find out.
I wonder how people in China feel about zombies. Do you think they’d like me? I’m pretty charming. And I wouldn’t eat anyone. I promise. I’ve doing really good about that. I mean, I did almost bite the guy at the grocery the other day, but he was working as a butcher and there was a lot of blood around so it was all very odd, and he was staring at me. Just plain rude.
Sometimes, I really detest going to the store because I feel like every time I go they’ve moved everything around so I can’t find anything. Dumb grocery stores. And I always get the cart with either a squeaky wheel or a busted wheel so it’s constantly listing to one side or the other. Maybe all of the carts are like that at every store and I’ve just always thought I had bad luck at picking carts.
Oh, right, I forgot why I was writing this in the first place. Dr. Smiley, ludicrous man that he is, says he has met another zombie. Pretty cool, right? A guy, just a couple of years younger than me. Apparently, he’s pretty new to the being dead deal so he isn’t all that together just yet. But he said he hasn’t been eating people, so that’s cool. Maybe we can hang out then. I mean, it would be a total bummer if we went to the mall or movies or something and he just went all “Brrrraaaiiinnnnssss” and started eating everyone. I mean, seriously, that would make me look really bad. Besides, I’d be worried he might eat my cat. Or my sister. Both of those are kind of important things I don’t want to be eaten. As tempting as it sounds sometimes when one of them is bugging me. But no, no eating family members. It’s a big rule of mine.
Of course, I’m a little skeptical about the whole thing because it sounds a lot like the stupid blind date mess I got into with my great aunt’s friend’s grandson, the Great Loser Who Shall Not be Named, mostly because I honestly forgot it. Not a big loss as far as I’m concerned though.
But I’m pretty sure your shrink isn’t allowed to try and do sneaky things like that. Besides, it would be nice to have another zombie to hang out with. We can talk about zombie things. Like… Well I’m not sure but I’ll think of something to talk about I’m sure.
What should two zombies talk about? Let me know what you think. Until next time, don’t get bit.