This Zombie Is Still Kicking… Sort of

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I’m still alive! Well, actually, I’m still dead but you get the point, correct? If you don’t, I mean, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you’re just kind of slow. Who knows. Anyways, I’ve been crazy busy recently with the whole college thing and working and otherwise being a member of the living dead.

Incase you care, I am in my final year of school. Which is quite wonderful. Because I get to be an “adult” after I graduate. Not that it matters because who knows who would actually hire a zombie for a real job, like in their office and stuff. Hopefully I’ll be okay with freelance work or find something that will allow me to work from home. That would be cool, I can telecommute to work from home and be in my pajamas. That would be just wonderful.crazy zombie

If you must know, this whole graduating and finding a job thing is driving me absolutely crazy though. I mean, lock me up in a nut house and throw away the key kind of crazy. Well, maybe not quite that bad. But it could be. Can zombies even be crazy? Or is that just besides the point? Because I’m not even alive. I don’t know, clearly.

Also! Group projects in college and being made to sit in a circle in classes are so stupid. I don’t care that I have to work with others in the ‘real world’, that’s fine! When I’m joining the ‘real world’ I will do that. Until then, let me work alone. And sitting in a circle, I don’t think that does anything for me. Just saying.

 

Enough, more homework. But I’m back kids! I hope you didn’t forget about me. Until next time, don’t get bit.

Z

 

 

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Best Ways to Cook Your Brains

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Do you know how to cook your brains? Or how to serve them if you have a dinner party or a couple guests or maybe you don’t have any friends and you just need to feed yourself. Well, I’m going to tell you some of my favorite ways to prepare brains.

1. Sushi Style

Just eat the fresh and raw. Why not? It’s probably the simplest way to serve brains. Remove them from the head and eat. No prepping, no dishes to clean up, unless of course you eat like a civilized person and put them on a plate or bowl and use some silverware. That would probably reduce mess. The only problem with this style of course is the mess associated with the brain removal from the skull, but that’s really all. You can wait until it’s a little cooler or you can eat warm out of the head. You can also rinse off the blood or keep it on. That really depends on your personal preferences and tastes of course.

2. Brain-Lite

Brain-lite is the salad version for those of us on a diet or who are just in the mood for something a little healthier. Take a brain and serve it over Iceberg lettuce leaves, garlic croutons, chopped tomatoes, red onions, carrots, cucumber slices, shredded cheddar and then topped with a dressing of your choice, mine is a nice raspberry vinaigrette.

You can also serve this as a fruit salad option. Cut up the brain into bite sized pieces, mix with strawberries, banana, watermelon, black berries, slices of kiwi, apple, pineapple chunks, blue berries, raspberries, honey dew, and maybe some orange. I always add something a little extra, perhaps some Swedish fish or peanuts.

3. Fillet of Brain

Photo by wingshot.blogspot.com

Photo by wingshot.blogspot.com

You can grill steak-sized slices of brain on a grill, just like a steak. Marinate first if you prefer. Maybe in a mix of onions and blood, or you can add steak sauce or ketchup as some people do. Weird in my opinion. You can also serve that over sautéed mushrooms or onions and maybe with some red potatoes or mashed garlic potatoes. I prefer my steak rare but you can cook your brain steaks to whatever degree you like.

4. Brain a la mode

If you are more in a dessert mood and not looking for dinner, you can have brain a la mode. It’s like pie or something. It is also very easy to prepare and has little clean up. Simple is often good. For this you can serve the brain chilled or warmed, it’s personal preference. Just serve the brain with your preferred flavor of ice cream, a delicious dessert or maybe snack.

5. Brain Fajitas

The fajitas take a little more preparation. Slice up the brain into either trips or squares, once again, personal preference. There is no wrong or right way to do this. Along with your brain, you will want to cut up some peppers, red or yellow are my favorites, along with onions, mushrooms perhaps and throw all of that into a pan and get it nice and hot. You can add seasoning if you prefer, I don’t. Once you have it all hot, add it to your tortillas. You can also add things like refried beans, cheese, sour cream, or guacamole.

Instead of fajitas, if you prefer, burritos, quesadillas or tacos can all also be done with brain. It’s all rather similar and up to you. Freedom of expression and all that jazz.

All this talk about food is making me really hungry so I think that will be it for today. I’ll have more tips for you later. Not that I’m saying you should eat brains or anything, I’m just saying that if you happen to do so, you have options. That’s all. Once again, totally not promoting you go out and eat your neighbor’s brain or anything.

My stomach is growling though so I am going to go find something, not a brain, to eat. I’ll write more later, until then, don’t get bit.

Beaching Zombie

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So it’s July. I didn’t do anything for the 4th. The one friend I have around was working so I just hung out with family. Not awfully boring but since then I’ve been working and not doing much else. I really want to go on a vacation. I’m thinking Bermuda or the Bahamas or Cancun or Maui. Somewhere warm and beachy and tropical. That sounds awesome to me.

zombies in bathing suits

Photo by zombiethong.blogspot.com

Of course, I’m also thinking that maybe a zombie on a beach might not be the biggest hit ever either. Ugh. I don’t know. Being a zombie is so hard. I need to find a new bathing suit too. They don’t make suits that are the most flattering to my zombie figure always. So it’s kind of hard to find a good one that I look cute in.

Zombie girl in bikini

Photo by zombiethong.blogspot.com

Who designs that stuff anyways? I mean, seriously. I don’t think designers wear their own stuff or maybe they’d design it a little differently, just saying.

Enough for now. I’m going to go play video games and pretend I’m on the beach. Don’t get bit.

Z

Zombie Finally Got Hired

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Guess what diary, this zombie got a job! Yeah, that’s right, a job. Like something that pays me money to do stuff. And it’s awesome. Because now I will be making money and that means I can go shopping because a certain zombie wants some new shoes.

Dr. S is super proud of me as well. Said that this shows I’m making massive steps in becoming more social and all that jazz. Because I got a job. Yeah, I just can’t stop saying that. I mean, seriously, I didn’t think it would happen because sometimes people kind of suck but still. A job is what I have now. Oh yeah.

So what is my job? Well, it’s not super glamorous, I’ll give you that. I’m going to be taking tickets at the movie theater by my house. I’ve been told I get other perks as well though besides that making money thing. I get free tickets to movies and one free snack every shift. Free popcorn or candy. Not a bad gig. And free movies. Plus money, of course.zombie in money

Also, there are lots people around my age that work there. Which is cool as well. Hopefully I’ll be able to make some friends and stuff. Maybe meet some cute boys or something, who knows.

I’m just so excited to finally have found a job. I only applied at like a million places or something. And this one is pretty easy I think. It doesn’t seem too terribly labor intensive or anything. The only bad part will be standing on my feet for so long but that’s okay. I don’t have to worry about circulation issues or anything in my legs. Haha. I guess that’s a perk of being dead.

As soon as I get my first pay check, there is this adorable pair of heels that I’m going to be buying from the mall. It’s going to be a long two weeks. I can’t wait though. Working in a movie theater, that kind of makes me like a normal young adult, does it not? I think it’s a common job for someone around my age. Money! I’m going to go make plans of what to invest my new money in, don’t get bit.

Z

Zombie Cheerleaders, Reasons Why I Think Not

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Now don’t get me wrong here, I am all for zombie equality, equal rights and whatever. So that’s not what I’m saying. Just not cheerleaders. No.

pompoms and mega horn

Photo by onelifeonelegacy.blogspot.com

Let me back up a second. So Dr. Smiley still doesn’t think I’m social enough or whatever. So he decided he was going to suggest all of these stupid activities I could join. Or at least try to join so I could be more involved and whatever. Like I really need to do that. Idiot. Anyways, at the very top of his list, was join a cheerleading team. Like, hello? Have you ever met me? Do I seem to be the cheerleader type to you? I don’t think so. But whatever. Apparently Dr. S assumed my protesting was because I didn’t think people would like a zombie cheerleader. Honestly, I have no idea. They might be into it for all I know, but I for one, am not.

Just to show him why, I wrote a list of reasons zombies should not be cheerleaders.

Zombies do not make good cheerleaders because:

1. Lack of flexibility

2. If something breaks, it stays brokenzombie cheerleaders

3. Not very peppy

4. Growling does not sound like cheering, it just sounds like growling maybe with a little moaning mixed in

5. Cheerleaders are supposed to be attractive and I’m not saying zombies are ugly but they aren’t always pretty

6. They can get hungry and eat the team

7. Or the fans

8. Or the other cheerleaders

9. Not very aerodynamic so not good for throwing into the air

10. Also probably not good at catching people

11. Or at throwing them into the air

Cheerleader spelling KILL

Photo by tumblr.com

I have never understood the interest in being a cheerleader anyways, to be perfectly honest. I don’t know, maybe I just never got the whole cheering thing in general. I mean, guys cheer at sporting events but they don’t do it in skirts that are too short and do choreographed movements with their backs to the team.

But I digress. I’m just stating my humble opinion. I guess if you really feel the need to be a dead cheerleader, who am I to stop you from doing something with the rest of your undead life. Go for it I guess. Give me a Z! And don’t get bit.

Z

My Shrink Found Me A New Friend – No That Doesn’t Make Me A Loser

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I had another appointment today with Dr. Smiley. Weird man, truly. Although his patchy facial hair and lazy eye are starting to slowly, and by that I mean like monumentally slowly, grow on me. Like at the pace of a paralyzed snail trying to get up the Great Wall of China. I’m guessing that would be a really slow journey, I guess I could always test it and find out.

I wonder how people in China feel about zombies. Do you think they’d like me? I’m pretty charming. And I wouldn’t eat anyone. I promise. I’ve doing really good about that. I mean, I did almost bite the guy at the grocery the other day, but he was working as a butcher and there was a lot of blood around so it was all very odd, and he was staring at me. Just plain rude.zombie boy

Sometimes, I really detest going to the store because I feel like every time I go they’ve moved everything around so I can’t find anything. Dumb grocery stores. And I always get the cart with either a squeaky wheel or a busted wheel so it’s constantly listing to one side or the other. Maybe all of the carts are like that at every store and I’ve just always thought I had bad luck at picking carts.

Oh, right, I forgot why I was writing this in the first place. Dr. Smiley, ludicrous man that he is, says he has met another zombie. Pretty cool, right? A guy, just a couple of years younger than me. Apparently, he’s pretty new to the being dead deal so he isn’t all that together just yet. But he said he hasn’t been eating people, so that’s cool. Maybe we can hang out then. I mean, it would be a total bummer if we went to the mall or movies or something and he just went all “Brrrraaaiiinnnnssss” and started eating everyone. I mean, seriously, that would make me look really bad. Besides, I’d be worried he might eat my cat. Or my sister. Both of those are kind of important things I don’t want to be eaten. As tempting as it sounds sometimes when one of them is bugging me. But no, no eating family members. It’s a big rule of mine.

Of course, I’m a little skeptical about the whole thing because it sounds a lot like the stupid blind date mess I got into with my great aunt’s friend’s grandson, the Great Loser Who Shall Not be Named, mostly because I honestly forgot it. Not a big loss as far as I’m concerned though.

But I’m pretty sure your shrink isn’t allowed to try and do sneaky things like that. Besides, it would be nice to have another zombie to hang out with. We can talk about zombie things. Like… Well I’m not sure but I’ll think of something to talk about I’m sure.

What should two zombies talk about? Let me know what you think. Until next time, don’t get bit.

Z

Creepy Children Shouldn’t Be Zombies

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Maybe it’s just me, but I really took notice of the child zombies in “Walking Dead.” I have no idea why they stuck out so much to me, maybe it’s because I have a little sister, maybe it’s because they were just kind of short. Or maybe it’s because children are just naturally a little creepy.

Creepy child with bearSeriously, think about it. They start out as a parasite, feeding off of the mother until it’s born like some kind of alien. As you can tell, I’ve never had children. And then they don’t talk; they just stare atyou with big eyes and make sounds, like they’re speaking some kind of foreign language that no one else in the world knows, except maybe other babies.

I bet they’re actually planning a world takeover. In all that baby gibberish they use and stuff. Probably use those toy phones that aren’t connected to anything and talk to you and sometimes just ring randomly. Children’s toys are bizarre.

I stayed at my grandma’s house and my cousin lives there with her two year old. Maybe she’s three now. I’m not sure. But she was this Elmo toy that talks. And it kept going off during the night. Mega freaky, even for me.Creepy little bloody girl with doll

Since children are just automatically creepy, I feel like they shouldn’t be allowed to be used as demons or monsters or whatever in horror movies and in television shows. They also should just be immune to the whole zombie thing because well, to be frank, little children zombies running around would just scare me silly, probably make my heart start beating again or something.

Just picture one of those little toddlers with the chubby little legs, curly hair all flying every where, big eyes and grabby little sticky fingers, lurching towards you with a big open mouth, drooling and talking nonsense. Gives me chills.

Now that I’ve started thinking about and picturing creepy zombie children running around, I’m a little disturbed. Keep your babies germ free please. I don’t want to share my undeadness with your sticky fingered children. Thanks so much. Keep your children away from zombies, me, and don’t get bit.

-Z