In case you wanted to know, I think flirting is kind of hard. Why is it hard you ask. I’ll tell you why. It’s because everyone seems to think that flirting is something slightly different. Or they do it differently or respond in a different way. Why must it be so difficult? In grade school, if you throw rocks at a kid’s head on the playground or put glue in their hair in class, you like them. When you call them names, it’s not because you don’t like their booger breath, it’s because you think they’re kind of cute. See, little kids are totally on the right track with this. You like someone, throw a rock at them. Then you both know what’s up. Unless you are a bully. I guess that’s the only pitfall there, because sometimes you could think that it’s flirting and instead it’s just bullying I guess. But I feel like adults should just follow that example. Instead of whatever the heck it is they do now.
Anyways, zombie flirting is a little different I think. At least from that of the normal people’s type of flirting. But I feel like we are more obvious about our flirting. We don’t try and play coy or anything. If we’re flirting with us, you’ll know.
1. If a zombie says, “I want your brains” they don’t mean they want to eat your brains. They mean they like your brains and think you’re cute. Or that they think you’d taste good. Which is totally a compliment coming from someone who eats people.
2. If a zombie leaves a hand or finger or an ear or something behind with you, they like you. This is just a way of giving themselves an excuse to have to come and see you again or talk to you again. Like in a bar and they accidently drop an eye on the bar beside you and walk off, and then have to come back because they “forgot” it. It just means they wanted to strike up a conversation. Duh.
3. If a zombie sniffs you a lot, that means they like the way you smell. Which is a good thing. They’re into you if you get sniffed more than twice. It might not be extremely obvious sniffing, like it would be pretty creepy if some guy came up and stuck his nose in your hair or something, but still… You’ll probably notice.
4. If a zombie growls at you, that means they think you’re hot. It’s really simple. Some of us walking dead kids aren’t the greatest at speaking so a little growl works. Moaning and drooling is a bad sign that means you’re probably next on the menu. A growl is like the equivalent of “Hey, what’s up? Can I get your number or buy you a drink?” That sort of thing.
See, zombie flirting is a simple art that I think you can figure out pretty easily. It’s you non zombie types that I can’t ever quite get a handle on. I say we should just reinstate the check yes or no notes for dating. Life and dating would be way easier that way. Think about it and don’t get bit.